He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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