The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
