I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
