bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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