My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
now i know why i became what i already was.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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