i was born a porn star she said
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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