....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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