So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
