The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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