it hurts more in the daytime
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
