just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
