Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
