dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
