so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
