Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
