Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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