His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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