THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
