he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
