The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
