If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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