My room smells like vodka and shame
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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