Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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