so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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