Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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