why do cheetos always look like penises
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
