Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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