My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
