I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
