I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
