saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize