Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
