I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
