OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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