She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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