I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
