Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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