The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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