Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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