im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
