You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
