The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
