You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
