We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't deserve a penis
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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