the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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