just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
