I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
