First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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