Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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