it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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