ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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