Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
