toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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