You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize