yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
