dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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