Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
