Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
