I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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