Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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