I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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