We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
