it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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