What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
