she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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